amanda's stupid daily drivel.

losing your virginity is like getting your ears pierced: it's a barbaric practice that's supposed to help you along with your personal image and self-actualization. well, it doesn't work. i wish i had known that.
a boy would like to go out with me. that may not seem significant to the untrained eye, but it's definitely something to me. the value that fact has has yet to be decided. i don't know how i feel about it. i am not into guys. maybe i never will be again. from the place i am in now, it seems possible. even LIKELY. the thought of hetero sex makes my stomach turn.
anyway, the guy's name is Robbie. He nice and cute and everything... But he's a guy. My relationship with Jeremy seriously damaged the way i consider guys romantically. it may seem selfish, but i do not want to settle. i don't want to be with someone, guy or girl, who is immature or unstable or perverted. i can't rescue people anymore. i almost want someone better than i am. so I would be the one who is loved enough to be "settled" for. it was like that with Percia. she was too good for me. i really miss her. but she's someone else's now and i don't get another chance.
i have so much on my mind but i can't really put it into words. i don't want to think of myself as alone but i am, essentially. i just want to be content. that's not asking so much.