i don't know if i am far beyond or just arriving at the idea of suicide. if i decide to do it, it can't be a half-assed attempt. i won't go to the hospital. but at the same time i keep telling myself, "hahaha, of COURSE i'm not suicidal... don't be stupid!" but i dunno what to think anymore. thinking hurts.
i'm not cutting anymore, yet thinking about deep gashes in my arms is immensely comforting. i am so tired. i want to go right back to bed right now. life is so not worth any of this.
my computer is broken so i have to wait five minutes for the internet to load up. my parents are blaming AIM so they deleted it. as soon as they fix my computer, Percia, i promise i will re-download it.
