1:28 p.m. --- as close as i get to dreaming anymore. --- 2004-07-19
i sit here in front of my computer, listening to ethereal music, barely hearing it. it sounds dead and toneless and droning. i close my eyes. i wait for someone to e-mail me and affirm that i am, indeed, part of the human race.
"amanda," it will say, "i just wanted to tell you that i do care about you. you are so stupid for thinking that everyone hates you. sure, some people won't like you, and sure, some people will not always be there for you. but you aren't alone. you have alt least one person who still cares about you. don't be silly, realize your worth."
and then it will be as easy as acknowledging that as truth. everything will take a definite up-turn. the clouds will darken and soothing, cleansing rain will fall and wash away my sin.
